Starting March 5th, Prepare to Turn your Body into a Mass of Weaponized Awesomeness!
Silence your inner crybaby
Scare your enemies with a simple flex
Become a certified badass
Conquer the world!
From Couch to Warrior!
Welcome to the best obstacle training course on the Gulf Coast! If you are tired of sitting on the coach and want that animalistic firepower behind your mental and physical training, you need to check out this program.
We don’t care about family genetics, past struggles, or awkward personal space issues. We don’t tolerate crybabies. We won’t let you eat quiche, or crepes, or escargot. We don’t accept half-assery. Hell, we won’t even tolerate anyone wearing shorts that are a little too short (sorry, Alvie).
What we do tolerate and actually promote is: personal awesomeness, individual improvement, and building a better you! Join the Couch-To-WARRIOR!! Program and we promise that by the end of 8 weeks, you will be a different person.
You remember your favorite superhero growing up? Yeah, he ain’t real. But these results from the Couch-To-WARRIOR!! Program are scary real.
About Your Coach
Back in the dark days of the late 2000s, I was dying. Literally. With high blood pressure and sugary blood running through my gross veins, as my gut grew, my self-esteem declined to practically nothing. I was left with debilitating insomnia, a lengthy list of medical woes, and any physical activity left me gasping for air like a nerdy asthmatic chihuahua.
I decided finally that enough was enough. And after I spent thousands of hours of personal experimentation and a major pile of my own personal funding, I learned how to conquer my individual challenges and develop a level of fitness I’m proud of, as well as a mental mindset that can handle everything from Ironman events to Spartan races to building a fallout shelter. After those long years of research and experimenting, I believe that this is the best 8-week physical and mental training program you’ll find on this side of the galaxy.
Let me break it down for you:
8 Weeks of Pain, Struggle, Growth, and Dominance
The Couch-to-WARRIOR!! program is designed to take even the laziest person you can imagine, and transform their mind and body into a lean, mean, racing machine.
Will you get broken down? Yes.
Will you want to quit? Absolutely. (Will you? NO!)
Will you wish that you had never clicked on this webpage? Psh, if I weren’t doing my job right, you wouldn’t feel any of those feelings.
This is going to be the toughest, yet most spectacular hour of your day. Trust me. If you want to be a warrior, you need to go through war. Nobody will be shooting at you, but this obstacle course and strength & conditioning program will feel like eight weeks in combat. And you’re going to come out ready to start your own nation state and populate it with a new species of your legendary racing babies!
Our Global Headquarters (Anytime Fitness) absolutely rocks! This isn’t some 80s hairband gym with heated seats and cup holders. This is an armed and fully operational battle station built for de-nerdificaton and creating combatants who like to crush their self-inflicted limits! This is where you’ll be dripping sweat, shedding blubber, and exorcizing your internal crybaby.
Out back is our glorious $15,000 obstacle course that has all of the essentials. We’ve got your climbing wall, your barbed wire, your mud, your balance beams, ropes, monkey bars, tire hauls, and plenty of other clever contraptions to get you prepared for ninjas and other unexpected challengers!
Did you think I was done? We also have a strip of hot, fresh asphalt over 1 mile long, flat as glass, and well-lit for even deadly night-time sprints. Ever felt like your heart was going to climb out of your chest and tap dance on your face? Well, if you haven’t, you sure as hell will!
We break our sessions into three categories: Endurance, Skill Work, and Strength & Conditioning.
Mondays at 6pm, next to Run-N-Tri, in Gulfport, we work on your running speed and long-distance endurance. We’ll gradually increase your distance until you’re prepared for running even that ultimate 5K event.
Tuesday & Thursdays at 6PM, at our Global Headquarters (Anytime Fitness) in D’Iberville, we do two days of strength & conditioning and we see just how much your body can handle. You’re going to build solid muscle, improve your stamina, and then construct a mental barrier that bows down to nobody! We’ll also roll through the obstacles as many times as humanly possible and provide the skill work to help you develop techniques to conquer them cleanly and efficiently.
Throughout the week and on the weekend, you’ll have extra sessions available to challenge yourself and dial your training up to ELEVEN! Grip strength workouts, hill repeats, trail runs, and more! (NOTE: Times and locations of additional sessions will vary based on collective awesomeness!)
If that’s STILL not enough for you (workaholic much????) throughout the entire 8 weeks, you’ll have 24/7 access to our Global Headquarters (Anytime Fitness) in D’Iberville, MS! Want to crank out a set of sick deadlifts at two in the morning? Come on in! Need some yoga action in the studio before you go to work? Get some! Rowing? Yes. Endless ladder? Yes! Clean showers to rinse off your prodigious amounts of sweat? YES!
We’ve got everything you need from battle ropes to kettle bells and you get access to that stuff, too!
TRIPLE DOG Bonus Points!
Want more? Get more here. We are creating a total breach of etiquette by skipping the double bonus points and going right for the throat with TRIPLE DOG bonus points!
- You want sweet battle tunes from a professional DJ during the workout? WE HAVE THOSE!
- You need to know what to wear to your race? Got that covered!
- Tips to improve your conditioning through better nutrition? Yeah, baby, yeah!
- Help with your daily crossword puzzle? Um, no.
Stop Wasting Your Time
You’re never going to achieve your dreams and goals from your comfort zone. Come on. Do something that scares you and challenges you to become a better person both inside and out. What’s the worst that can happen? You end up wasting your life away watching TV while your body slowly deteriorates into a soft and mushy mess? Oh wait, that’s already happening.
Make your parents proud. Make your kids proud. More importantly, MAKE YOURSELF PROUD, and be happy with the person you see in the mirror.
It all starts with clicking that button right below.